Friday, 18 January 2013

Wiggle Review: Speedo Classic Aquashort

Firstly, I’m a handsome man. I’m blessed with looks. I bought these for two reason;

a)      Flaunt around the edge of the pool and hang around in my man cave; the sauna at my local swimming baths.
b)      To swim in the local baths.

They’re well made. Small...but well made. This is great if you have fantastic quads. Luckily, I do.
There’s a thicker material around the ‘biscuits’ area too. This is both good and bad; let me explain.

Good: for those of you with ‘little biscuits’, it’ll firm the area, and like an optical illusion, make the zone look full, firm and fertile.
Bad: if you have ‘big biscuits’, it’ll detract from my...sorry, *your* fantastic quads and ripped midriff. The area will resemble a set of well presented potatoes and an industrial garden hose. You’d better get used to the gasps and occasional female blackout. Women will want to rub them (the shorts, not your potatoes), I’ve dubbed my pair the “Genie’s lamp”. They’re robust...they can handle a rub.

Also, when strutting from the mixed-sex changing rooms, in my experience it’s advisable to mime the lyrics to WHAM! – Club Tropicana to get you in the correct frame of mind. This is my only complaint; the Classic Aquashort (Genie’s lamp) doesn’t come with a laminated lyric sheet for the aforementioned song. For the amateur Mack Daddy, you’re not expected to know the lyrics. This is a slight oversight. You buy these shorts, you start on the road towards becoming a Mack Daddy. Deal. With. It.

Thanks for reading. I also have sensational glutes and perfectly aligned areolas.

All together now:

Let me take you to the place
Where membership’s a smiley face,
Brush shoulders with the stars.
Where strangers take you by the hand,
And welcome you to wonderland –
From beneath their panamas....

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