This is the e-mail that is waiting to be sent to Chrissie Wellington...World Ironman Champion and alround nice lady....
Right-ho Chrissie, how you feeling?
Recently I have been sending e-mails to many as many people, companies, suppliers...etc with the the idea of getting myself sponsorship/backing/company/friendship for an event that I'm doing next March in Nepal. It's called the Yak Attack, and in a nutshell, it's a 12 day MTB adventure....hang on, I'll just copy and past the description from the website.
420km OVER 10 DAYS WITH OVER 8000m OF CLIMBING – PEAKING AT AN AWE INSPIRING 5416m*.
(*the equivalent of 6,686.42 of this little guy standing on his own shoulders...which quite frankly, I would spill blood to see)
Right-ho Chrissie, how you feeling?
Recently I have been sending e-mails to many as many people, companies, suppliers...etc with the the idea of getting myself sponsorship/backing/company/friendship for an event that I'm doing next March in Nepal. It's called the Yak Attack, and in a nutshell, it's a 12 day MTB adventure....hang on, I'll just copy and past the description from the website.
420km OVER 10 DAYS WITH OVER 8000m OF CLIMBING – PEAKING AT AN AWE INSPIRING 5416m*.
(*the equivalent of 6,686.42 of this little guy standing on his own shoulders...which quite frankly, I would spill blood to see)
Sexiest man alive or fingers that look too simular to a pub snack...Twiglets?
Now, with this in mind (the adventure, not the tower of dwarves), I would like to send you an invitation to join me in Nepal next March. I know you are a big fan of the area, and also spent some time there in the past. If you are worried about the prospect of keeping up with me on the trip then don't, I will take my time for you. I did finish 7th in my last triathlon in Llanelli (a lot like Nepal I imagine), but don't be fooled by that figure. I was beaten by some very strong athletes who have been in the business for at least.....2 races.
The likes of Thomas ap Thomas (swims like a tuna and is a part time trombonist for the local church), Dafydd ap Iwan (claimed to invent the 'cesar salad'...jury is still out), Adolf-Mark Hughes (guess who he was named after...that's right, Mark Hughes), Owain Hermon (owner of Ammanford's largest congregation of sheep and also, the 3rd largest ant farm in South Wales) and Sarah & Sara Stevens (they owns the local bike shop...you can jump to your own conclusions on them...has webbed hands and big ears. Oh, and are conjoined twins.) are not to be taken lightly as their local knowledge, unmatchable inbred strength, scores of support (brothers, mothers, fathers, sisters, aunties, farm animals, boyfriends and girlfriends - usually the same person) and Raleigh Activators are nigh on impossible to compete with.
To the point though, I've never been to Nepal and am looking forward to the trip and being completely out of my comfort zone (in front of tele watching repeats of Count Duckula whilst eating my Kellogg's variety pack and warmed Ribena. Not in the same bowl. Although...). But, I wouldn't mind some company in doing the trip, my Nepalese sucks and even more concerning, I great people I don't know with a nervous high 5 and within 2mins, I tend to make an inappropriate joke...pffft....don't ask!
I should tell you though, you aren't the first person I have asked (I feel as though I have cheated on you...sorry). I did send an e-mail to Ben Fogle and James Cracknell asking if they would like a REAL challenge instead of building snowmen and having snowball fights in the Antarctic. They both said no, so obviously not a fan of lycra or they just don't like Nepal. Although it could just be the fact that I told them I was ginger and wear lycra. Meh.
I've also sent an e-mail to many Mtb companies, and any company I thought that was relevant (when I say relevant, I wanted a free pair of Oakley's...they also said no. I feel as though they have an issue with a ginger person wearing their glasses in public, where, if anyone should have a pair of Oakley's, it should be ginger people. We attract the sun like no other specimen on Earth - including solar panels). But in all fairness, Probikekit have given me some exposure by broadcasting my letters to the world and offering me some stuff.... Trek have offered me a very generous discount on one of their bikes and Oakley turned me down solely on the fact that I have red hair....apparently.
So, with all this in mind. And if your still reading (a very well done, much bigger accomplishment than one of those Ironman races you occasionally do), I would be very happy to hear from you.
Please, if you don't like the e-mail, delete it. Please don't refer it to the police. I'm officially on my so called 'last strike' in the UK and Australia. In the UK, I accidentally called a police man 'Columbo' after he claimed I was doing 40mph whilst he was on foot patrol...how he could work out my speed I still don't know?! And in Australia, I was given a very public spiritual de-pantsing by a zoo keeper in Melbourne by trying to convince the tourists that Koala's were in fact err...asexual. I didn't realize he could hear me and it was all a bit of fun. Again, meh.
The likes of Thomas ap Thomas (swims like a tuna and is a part time trombonist for the local church), Dafydd ap Iwan (claimed to invent the 'cesar salad'...jury is still out), Adolf-Mark Hughes (guess who he was named after...that's right, Mark Hughes), Owain Hermon (owner of Ammanford's largest congregation of sheep and also, the 3rd largest ant farm in South Wales) and Sarah & Sara Stevens (they owns the local bike shop...you can jump to your own conclusions on them...has webbed hands and big ears. Oh, and are conjoined twins.) are not to be taken lightly as their local knowledge, unmatchable inbred strength, scores of support (brothers, mothers, fathers, sisters, aunties, farm animals, boyfriends and girlfriends - usually the same person) and Raleigh Activators are nigh on impossible to compete with.
To the point though, I've never been to Nepal and am looking forward to the trip and being completely out of my comfort zone (in front of tele watching repeats of Count Duckula whilst eating my Kellogg's variety pack and warmed Ribena. Not in the same bowl. Although...). But, I wouldn't mind some company in doing the trip, my Nepalese sucks and even more concerning, I great people I don't know with a nervous high 5 and within 2mins, I tend to make an inappropriate joke...pffft....don't ask!
I should tell you though, you aren't the first person I have asked (I feel as though I have cheated on you...sorry). I did send an e-mail to Ben Fogle and James Cracknell asking if they would like a REAL challenge instead of building snowmen and having snowball fights in the Antarctic. They both said no, so obviously not a fan of lycra or they just don't like Nepal. Although it could just be the fact that I told them I was ginger and wear lycra. Meh.
I've also sent an e-mail to many Mtb companies, and any company I thought that was relevant (when I say relevant, I wanted a free pair of Oakley's...they also said no. I feel as though they have an issue with a ginger person wearing their glasses in public, where, if anyone should have a pair of Oakley's, it should be ginger people. We attract the sun like no other specimen on Earth - including solar panels). But in all fairness, Probikekit have given me some exposure by broadcasting my letters to the world and offering me some stuff.... Trek have offered me a very generous discount on one of their bikes and Oakley turned me down solely on the fact that I have red hair....apparently.
So, with all this in mind. And if your still reading (a very well done, much bigger accomplishment than one of those Ironman races you occasionally do), I would be very happy to hear from you.
Please, if you don't like the e-mail, delete it. Please don't refer it to the police. I'm officially on my so called 'last strike' in the UK and Australia. In the UK, I accidentally called a police man 'Columbo' after he claimed I was doing 40mph whilst he was on foot patrol...how he could work out my speed I still don't know?! And in Australia, I was given a very public spiritual de-pantsing by a zoo keeper in Melbourne by trying to convince the tourists that Koala's were in fact err...asexual. I didn't realize he could hear me and it was all a bit of fun. Again, meh.
Cheers Chrissie,
John (can you get me some Oakley's?)
Will post the reply as soon as she sends something back....
