Thursday, 12 November 2009

8th Blog Post...Tears of a lost friend...goodbye my 'doo'...

How you doing?

It's been a long time. Your hair looks good. What's that? Terrible haircut you say? Well I cut it for'd you feel now? Awful I hope.

Na, the BBC reports were true. My girlfriend butchered my ever disappearing doo since I last posted on 'ere.

Click to make it bigger...pervert.

I, regrettably, asked my girlfriend to give me a 'trim' but she decided to give me a reverse Mohawk. Rubbish look at the best of times, but when you're already balding and cherish all 372 occupied follicles, then it isn't even funny.

What's that? Yes, it is a pearl necklace...What? Na, I'm Britney...Alien 3? What you on about..?

Funnily (ha), as it happened on a Sunday, my instant reaction (bar the obvious obscenity...) was to count my remaining leave as I didn't fancy going to work just to be abused. With Christmas coming up, it was unfortunately slim pickings. Option 1 - OUT.

My next thought was GBH (girlfriend). Option 2 - OUT.

What? Na, I only said his hair was nice...and that he was great in Alien 3...

Option 3 - next in the process was sudden realisation that it all had to come off...there was no turning back. The Doo had to go. It had was summoned to a happier place. It was handed it's P45. get the jist.

It's been two weeks since my scalp was err....scalped. Imagine, if possible, an even more brutal version of 'Last of the Mohicans'. I've convinced my work colleagues that I did it for charity...partly for a cowards way out and also just to see their expression when I tell then the 'cause' when they finish mocking me. I do feel bad. But not as bad as them....

Before you ask;

A) yes, it is actually cold in winter
B) it is MUCH more manageable than having a doo
C) I do look like something along the lines of a well kempt testicle, a mouldy scotch egg, a worn tennis ball (Dumlop, if you will) or a malnutrition paper boy/man who lost his wig in a gale.

Like this...but 'rusty' and a little more worn...

So, my training. It's been going pretty well as of late. I got off to a painful start after taking 5 weeks off post Vitruvian at the beginning of September. I managed to find a small 1.5 mile mtb loop around my local area (not my genitals) and it worked a treat to get back into the groove (ahhahaha...groove, who the f**k am I kidding?). Anyhow, since I'm working a typical 9-5, the only chance I get to ride the loop is after work, when it's dark. I cycled up there once with my new lights, Fenix TK11, and no sooner had I got up there, I turned around. My downfall was I started thinking of rapists, leprechauns, muggers and those filthy ramblers. I'm still yet to go up there with the lights.

Last week I had full intentions of going up to Brechfa to do some serious trail riding...but, as I packed my bike into the back of my sisters Volkswagen Beetle (proper mtb haulage ve-hickle), drove the 45mins to get there whilst stopping to put petrol in the frigging thing, pulled into the car park (had some bizarre looks from a couple of dudes), put the roof down, climbed all over the car, pulled the bike out, started fixing things together, realized I forgot the front wheel skewer, repacked the bike, put the roof back down, gave the two dudes the 'bird' as I drove home looking cool and went up the black mountain. FAIL.

Where's the wheel skewer? I though you had it? No...

To make the day a total success, I managed to get lost and had to carry the bike for over an hour through rivers, bogs, reeds and bushes before turning up at some farm preparing myself to be set upon by the 6ft 7 farmers daughter and kept as a sex slave. Needless to say, they were very kind and told me to follow their farm track to the bottom of the road and I head off home. Awesome.

My running has gone backwards....rapidly. I'm still (occasionally...twice) running with the running club. But I have come to the conclusion that I'll try get 2 runs a week in. Tuesday is long, steady running. Thursday is balls out running (not genitals). That should keep me ticking over until after the Yak Attack when I'll up the swimming & running in prep for Ironman Austria 70.3.

Swimming - none since the beginning of September. Classic.

My dog just busted my delete button?!

Oh, I climbed up Snowdon the other day too...I'm toying with the idea of cycling up there and back...logistics and that first. Also, must sort my memory out too. Forgot my walking daps before going up there. I purposely left them on the B&B bed, then walked out without them. Awesome.

Err...anything else?

Oh aye, I got my training plan from Matt Tippett at Elite Triathlon Performance Australia through last night too. Back in the fold again.
Should be an interesting couple of months coming up...

Oh, I can also recommend exfoliating your perineum then dabbing some cool menthol shower gel in the area. I imagine it's like sliding on a frosty banister. The breezy gooch, if you will.

Chow, for now.

New hairdoo....or bargain?


  1. Yup, nothing like the shock of the first cold day on a scalped head. Learn to love the buff. Love it.

    -- kemptonslim

  2. Must be freaky riding in a little light bubble in an otherwise pitch blank night.


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